Blame The System

First, a caveat: if you think you've spotted a noble lie that seems to work for people, such that possibly if everyone knew the truth we'd all be worse off, should you write a blogpost about it?

I don't fully know if you should, but I am fundamentally a thought-gossip and if I think of an idea I just want to tell everyone, ruat cælum. So here you go.

I think a lot of typologies and systems (such as attachment theory, enneagram, astrology and so on) basically function to allow people whose relationship has soured to attempt a "reset" while blaming neither party.

If Alice and Bob have been fighting, and they've both dug their heels in, and they want to un-dig themselves, but that would mean admitting one (or more) of them is wrong.... it's so much easier to not to.

But then suppose Alice reads a book about how everyone (conversationally) is either a tardigrade or a barnacle, and tardigrades and barnacles often misunderstand each other because of their different world-models, but neither is fundamentally wrong, and Alice is a tardigrade and Bob is a barnacle.... well, suddenly we have a way to reset the conflict without either party admitting error.

This doesn't even mean that the system or typology is entirely pointless or arbitrary: in theory, it could also be pointing at a real difference in people's models of the world, of which there are many. But that isn't strictly necessary, the typology can be trivial or even false, so long as it gives everyone an excuse to forgive and forget, and try once more to make the perilous journey across the seas to another soul.

(Happy Valentines day everyone!)