The Cult Will Tell You You're Living Life Wrong

There are times in certain people's lives where they come to feel strongly that they're doing everything wrong.

You may desire to argue with me that nobody is ever actually living their life wrong, and I would like you to put that aside for a second: without debating the normative claim, it is simply true descriptively that some people at some times FEEL like their life is wrong.

And I would also like to claim to you that – descriptively – in many of the social circles, at least, if one was to say the words "I feel like I'm living my life wrong," then all one's friends and relations will gather round and say "absolutely not; there is nothing wrong with you at all."

And again, you may believe normatively that that's true– either for this specific person, or for all people in general.

But it struck me recently that there is a group of people that will happily tell you that you're living your life wrong. Namely, cults.

If your friend who feels like everything is wrong goes to a cult, the cult will say to her: "yes! You are so right! Everything you're doing is wrong; come join us, we will teach you how to make it better."

And it struck me right this second that it doesn't have to be a cult, either: it could be one person, say a romantic partner, who perhaps all the friend-group hates, but who is extremely willing to tell your friend that she's doing everything wrong. Which matches her self conception, while all her friends are denying it. Which might be a reason she's in that relationship.

So I think it's much more helpful – if one of your friends says they're doing everything wrong – to give them an answer that at least acknowledges the possibility of the premise. I'm not saying you should fully endorse it, just that you should try to give an answer that allows for the possibility rather than shutting it down.

You might say "I don't agree that you're doing everything wrong, but tell me more about where that feeling of wrongness is coming from?"

Or: "Whether or not you're doing anything wrong, let's talk about things that can make your life better."

I always want to end these kinds of posts with a caveat: there's so many different kinds of human experience, all-purpose advice is dangerous, some people need to eat more protein and some people are allergic to protein. What do I know? I might be wrong about everything.